One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop, and got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you” the lawyer said.

“But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all got into the car… no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,”Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place, the grass is almost a foot high!”

As I suspected, the girl next door to us (who is getting harrassed by the little asian dude) is a hooker.

The gimp was around yesterday night, so I went downstairs and got Pam and Ken from unit 1 to call the police, while I detained him with the assistance of Pam’s two (big) sons. The cops came, and figured out the situations pretty much straight away. I’m not sure if Jay (that’s Jasmin’s mum) knew, but when one cop yelled out “naah, nothing to do with a burglary, this is about prostitution” to the other cop, she was certainly informed. Especially when he said it four time! :)

The good news is that we’ve sorted out the midget problem, but the bad news is that there are still a few burglars on the loose. And maybe a phantom shitter.

Well, not actually. I was hoping to post this from the wireless link we’re setting up between our new house and Mark and Emma’s, but alas the WIFI is being a slut.

So, how did it all go? Really well. We started out a little later that I’d have liked, thanks to the real estate agent. She was feeling sick, and the forms were full of errors. It just wasn’t her day. Then, when she gave us the keys I gave her some hassles. There was only one electronic buzzer for the security gate that protects the car port. How can we use one buzzer with two cars? I explained that while I understood that we were only issued with ‘one set’ of keys, I expected that set to contain two buzzers. The property was advertised as having two car bays, so it made sense that it had two buzzers. Likewise, if it had two front doors, I’d expect a key for each of them. I didn’t think it was unreasonable, but she did. I was given the phone number of the strata company that manage the six units, and she said she’s also try to contact them. She also said we’d have to pay for a second buzzer. Yeah, right ;)

Anyways, after this hullabaloo we were a bit down. I thought it would take 10 minutes to sign the forms and be on our way, but in fact it took over an hour and a half. Mum and dad packed some boxes at my old place, and we headed off to check out the Vic Park palace.

It was a little smaller than I remembered, particularily in the master bedroom. It’s amazing how you remember things after just one visit! Silly brain.

We unpacked everything by about 4:00PM, thanks to Fitzy and my folks. Fitzy’s bulking physique was a huge help, particularly with the rack, my desk and the fridge.

Friday night we relaxed, and some fool buzzed out intercom at 4:05AM. I went down and abused him, which was fun. Then he took a shit in the neighbour’s pot plant the next day. I think he’s a retard. There was a pseudo-burglary (in that gear was moved from one storeroom to another, not stolen) on Satuday night, which meant I got to meet most of my neighbours while the cops were taking details. I think it was the wierd little Asian man that I abused on the Saturday morning. If I see him again, I’m going to ‘detain’ him.

It’s official, Maggie can now take half of my shit.

I had a spare bank account that wasn’t being used for anything; originally it was going to house my savings and superannuation, but that never happened. Now it’s our “new house” account, which we’ll be using for rent, groceries and all the bills.

12 hours and we’ll have the keys, time to dismantle the rack (it’s so quiet with it off)!

I forgot to gloat - I guessed the three people that would make it through in Australian Idol on Monday night. OK, it might not be a huge achievement, but I was pretty happy.

I voted three times; one for each of the three that got through.