Last Saturday, Steve, Adam, Richie and I left Perth for Permberton, for 3 days of hiking through the wilderness. For those that just want the photos, fine, for the rest of you, here’s what happened…
Saturday morning we were ready to go at about midday, after getting some last minute supplies from Coles and an army surplus store in Vic Park. Our bags were packed, the cars were fueled, and our spirits were high. Steve piled into Fitzy’s Supra, and I was shotgun in Richie’s Laser. The roads were kinda busy on the way down, with it being the ANZAC long weekend, but we had expected this.
Our first stop was at Australind, Fitzy’s ol’ stopin’ ground. We grabbed some burgers, a copy of MixMag and were back on the road within the hour. We got to Pemberton at about 5:30PM. Fitzy and Steve made quick use of the public facilities, and Richie and I wouldn’t let them out “until they’d apologized to God.” It was funny at the time, because they were pulling each other’s dicks you see. We got some food at Southern Chicken, where we met the Southern Chicken Nigger. He was this kid that looked like he’d been picked up out of Harlem and dropped right in the middle of nowhere, complete with a befuddled look.
We hit the backpackers, where we planned to spend Monday night, and asked where Fitzy could leave his car. They said on the road. Wicked. They also couldn’t give much in the way of directions, but we managed to work it out. We piled into Richie’s car and hit the road, looking for the start of the hike, Schafer. We wound down about 40 kilometres of road, with about half of it being gravel. We found where the Bibbulmun Track crossed the road, and left the car here. It was pitch black, and with only one torch, we managed to stumble our way along the track to the hut. Just after 7:00PM, we were onsite.
And so were four other people. Crap. We’d hoped we would be on our own for the hike, but we were greeted (well not really, they weren’t too happy we were there) by two couples. We contemplated the idea of doing the first stage straight away, in the darkness. Richie wouldn’t budge; he wasn’t having a bar of it. It turns out he’s the only one with any sense. Walking the first stage was hard enough with daylight, but with only one headlamp between the 4 of us, someone would have been killed.
With no lights, amusement is hard to come by, not including Steve’s ass of course. We hit the deck, literally, and tried to get some rest in preparation for the big day ahead. Fitzy made sure we didn’t get any, with his Extreme Snoring™.
The next day, Sunday, we were up at about 5:00AM, with the sun. We threw down some food and hit the track for 8:20AM, after Richie moved the car off the road and into a side track.
After about an hour we came across a dead cow. It had a hole in its side, and was missing some facial tissue. How delightful (there’s a photo if you’re morbid).
The first stop was for lunch, at 13 point something kilometres. We found a rocky outcrop where we took our shoes off, had some lunch, and had a rest. We gave ourselves about 45 minutes, and then we hit the trail again.
We arrived at Warren campsite just after 2:30PM (I think) and immediately hit the chairs for a rest. We knew we wouldn’t’ have long before the other hikers were there, so we made the most of it, claiming the top “bunks” for ourselves. They arrived after an hour or so, and when we asked how they were on the last hill (it was huge, about 1.3kms long) the guy replied “ohh, that was easy.” Good one, dick head.
Steve’s beard was growing nicely and Richie had signed some autographs, so we cranked out the Dynamite Chilli, couscous and the portable stove. Dinner time. 6:00PM came, and darkness soon followed. Steve and I started a Candle City, while the other two hit the bunks. Steve’s ass was in its finest form, causing comments to come from the other people. Two of them refused to sleep in the hut with us, maybe because of Steve’s skills, or maybe because of Fitzy’s snoring. Either way, we giggled like schoolboys and managed to get some sleep.
The next day we were up and at it a bit later, but still on the trail at 8:20AM (again).
Lunch was at about 11:00AM at a place called “Cascades.” There was a rocky pool with some flowing water. It was very scenic, but more importantly, it was 6kms from the Gloucester Tree (… which was 3kms from Pemberton, our final destination).
This last section hurt everyone the most I think. Adam was suffering from a sore shoulder and a sore lower body, while Steve’s nose would not stop sneezing. I picked up a walking stick, and walked around pretending to be either Gandalf, or a generic ninja with a wooden sword.
Before we got to the Gloucester Tree, we had to climb one last hill. We didn’t like it, but we made it. At the tree, Fitzy and Richie had a rest while Steve and I climbed. We yelled out to them from the top of the tree, much to everyone else’s amusement. Steve snapped some wicked pics up there too.
The last 3kms back to Pemberton were slow and steady, along roads most of the way. We got a few looks from people driving by when they saw I had my hand down my pants. Chaffing was a killer, so we were constantly re-arranging ourselves.
We bot back to Pemberton, triumphantly walked down the main stretch and got to the backpackers. We grabbed the key, and dropped or gear off in our room. Fitzy went out to his car and saw that the Southern Chicken Nigger had struck again! (He had earlier stolen Richie’s pocket knife, but someone returned it) The front-left tire had been let down on the Supra. Country-bumpkin bitches!
Richie bought some Cokes, and the rest of use changed the tire, so Adam could drive 300m up the road and re-inflate it. The Supra has a temporary wheel, which is about the size of a bike tire (not really, but almost) so it looks funny driving around on it. The tire was re-swapped, and Richie was on his way out with Adam to collect the Laser. Steve and I had more important things to do, like buy the beers.
I sussed out dinner at the local pub, and we got a carton or Swan Draught and a few packets of chips, and wandered back to our house. I lost a game of pool to Steve, on a table that was tiny, and the boys returned with the Laser. A few beers and a few showers later, we were ready to get dinner.
We all had rump steaks at the pub, which were do big they fell off the plate. After a pint, we were ready to head home, and all hit our beds before 9:00PM. The soft mattress and comfy pillows meant that no amount of snoring was going to keep us awake, though I did have to dish out some pillow bashings to Steve, and Richie did rock our bunk a few times to silence Fitzy.
The next morning we all got toasted sandwiches from a café, and prepared for the tip home. A stop off at Kirup for some pies, then Australind for some fuel and ginger beer were all that slowed us on the way home. I read most of the way again, until we hit the freeway where I marveled at the big buildings in the distance :)
The afternoon was wrapped up with a visit from Mark and Emma, and a session of Alien. I had never seen it, and the boys thought this was a travesty. For the record, it’s a cool film.
It’s been about 36 hours since we stopped hiking, and I think we can all walk again. Richie might still have some bow-legged actions, but that’s nothing unusual ;)